The Spin Cycle

Over It

2011-06-24T20:12:00.005-04:00

Is there anything better than listening to the sound of your children playing together? I'm really lucky that for the most part, when my boys are playing, the sweet sound of laughter resonates through the house. It's actually when I hear Wood and T playing together that I am most grateful that we rolled the dice on a second adoption.

But Heaven forbid I ask the boys to work together. Then it's a whole different ball game. Take tonight, for example. The bathroom. Let's just say you can tell boys have been there. Since I have no idea which one of them can't aim (although I could guess) and really either could be the guilty party, both boys were sent to clean it. Together. Not 30 seconds into it and the fussing starts over who is not pulling their weight. And it's not just fussing. It's whiny fussing and it happens every time they have to work together.

I am so over it. If anybody has any suggestions on how to get their kids to work together, I'd love to hear them.

Happy Saturday!

Update

2011-06-18T17:06:00.003-04:00

Thanks for your prayers. Our friends heard this week that they have received approval and have moved on to the next step. Hoping they'll get to travel soon!

Happy Saturday!

Prayer Request

2011-06-05T21:44:00.006-04:00

Ironic that my last post was all about how I didn't have anything going on. How I didn't have anything to say. Honestly, I still don't. But this one isn't about me. This one is about some of the best people I know.

Mike and Karen - the Woodman's godparents.

To give you an idea of how highly we regard these people, if Heaven forbid, something should happen to Captain Ed and I, they are the ones that we would want raising our children. There is no doubt in my mind that they will make great parents.

Mike and Karen with Wood and T at Wood's First Communion last May

So here's the deal...

Mike and Karen are adopting. Internationally. Older children - a teen and a tween - who they met last summer and who have been told that Mike and Karen are coming for them.

But Mike and Karen can't come. Not yet. They are waiting on paperwork - that necessary(?) evil of all ethical adoptions.

From what I understand of teenagers, it's hard to explain anything to them. Can you imagine trying to explain to a teenager who has been told that their forever family is coming, that their forever family can't come just yet because of paperwork?

So tonight as get ready to begin a new week, I'm asking you to please say a prayer to whoever your Higher Power might be. Please let this be the week that the paperwork gets resolved. Let this be the week that Mike and Karen can take the next steps in bringing the girls home. And please say a prayer for those girls that they hang in there just a little bit longer.

Happy Sunday!

The Top 10 Reasons Why I Have Not Been Blogging

2011-06-03T08:26:00.003-04:00

10. I have been living at the pool. Literally. Woodman has practice every night from 4:30 to 5:15 and T's on deck from 5:45 to 6:15. I'd love to know who decided that there should be a 30 minute break between the 7-8 and the 6 & under swim practices, but that's a subject for another post.

9. I have been reading actual books (as opposed to blogs and, for me, reading blogs inspires blogging.)

8. I am ~~bored~~ content with myself, thus it is hard to find anything to blog about.

7. I have been uber busy at work which, if you've ever read this post, you'll know is a big and welcome change for me. The downside is that actually working at work severely cuts into my blogging time.

6. Things are going well. Have you ever noticed that there is not nearly as much to ~~talk~~ blog about when you're not complaining?

5. I am finished with B school--where I was known to type many a blog instead of studying.)

4. I am finished with B school--so I have time to read actual books instead of 30 second blog snippets (see #9).

3. We're not adopting.

2. This is sad. I am so apathetic that I can't even come up with 10 reasons not to blog.

1. Back to #10. The kids and I have been living (quite happily) at the pool.

Hope things are going well in your world.

Happy Friday!

A Child's Take on Kenya

2011-05-06T08:19:00.005-04:00

I found a child's work on the playground at the Woodman's school. On it a child had colored a map of Africa and hi-lighted the country of Kenya. I was thrilled! The kids are learning about Africa! Then I read what what this child had learned and my heart sank.

Kenya
I leared that in kenya girls shave there head bald! Men grow there hair long. Kenyans drink cow blood for vitamens. Over 300 babys get abandoned a day. Some were found in trash cans, some in sewers, and by a school yard.

I was stunned.

What about some of the earliest humans being found in Kenya? What about Mount Kenya -the second highest peak in Africa? What about the numerous ethnic groups in Kenya? What about the fact that men's and women's winner of the Boston marathon this year were both from Kenya? What about the GDP of Kenya being the largest in East and Central Africa? (And, yeah I get that kids don't understand GDP, but they do understand the concept of a market.)

On a personal level, I felt kicked my in the gut. I felt an overwhelming desire to protect the Woodman. Really, what's he to think?

And children can be so cruel. It is not hard to envision one of Wood's classmates (or any child) making the leap from a child was left in the sewer in Kenya to all orphans from Africa are from the sewers therefore the Woodman must be from the sewer.

I would love to chalk this up to being one child's take away but I made a point to stop and read some of the other childrens work that was posted on the wall. Sadly it was more of the same.

I'm sure it's a fine line. You could probably teach a child all of the wonderful things about a country such as Kenya and the thing that would make the biggest impression would still be "Kenyans drink cows blood". I am not sure what the answer is and while I still applaud the attempt to include Kenya (no doubt in a nod to our current president), I think we have a ways to go.

Happy Friday!

Malaise

2011-05-04T20:34:00.003-04:00

Really? Do you see the date? It's been two weeks since my last post? Seriously? I swear it feels like it's been only two days.

I am in such a huge state of malaise recently. Look up lethargic in Webster's and you're sure to see my face smiling back at you. "Hello! Are you looking for sluggish? No energy? No motivation? Well, you've come to the right place."

Seriously. I've tried getting organized (usually, if I just start organizing, it's enough of a kick in the butt for me to get things done) and I've tried writing lists (which, is to me, a way of organizing). But nada. I just want to do nothing. Which of course leads to some serious guilt (about wasting time) but so far not enough guilt to do anything about it. I'm sure it will come. In the meantime I'm waiting to hit bottom at which point I'll be so sick of doing nothing that I'll energy again. Yep, just waiting to have energy.

Now that is lethargic.

Happy Wednesday!

The Truth

2011-04-14T08:05:00.004-04:00

There is an English idiom that says "in times of crisis that people show their true colours".

Well, with my grandmothers recent illness, I have been forced to take a look at myself and it's not pretty.

It is no secret that I hate calling people, that I have a hard time reaching out, blah, blah, blah. I have always chalked it up to being afraid that people will find out my hidden truth.....that I am boring, that I don't have anything to offer, etc. And while all of this is true, my grandmother's illness has forced me to look at another side of my anti-social behavior. Here goes.

I don't reach out because I am selfish.

I can see it so clearly in my first reaction to Gram's illness. It wasn't gosh, is she OK? It was, oh no - I can't loose her - she's my last direct connection to my mom. My mom was the oldest sister, do people expect me to do what she would have done if she were here? My grandmother lives in Miami....do I need to go down there? But, I can't go down there - I have too much to do.

WTF?

My reaction was not about my grandmother and her pain. It was all about me. This has floored me and forced me to do some serious soul searching. Really - when was the last time I went out of my way to help someone else?

So, I am going to try. In honor of my grandmother, I am going to try to go out of my way to do one nice thing for someone else every day. Just one. Now I know this doesn't sound like much, but for someone who tends to be self-consumed, it's huge. Perhaps I will even start blogging again to hold myself accountable (although I am struggling with if-I-let-people-know-that-I-have-done-something-nice-am-I-doing-it-in-an-effort-to-change-or-because-I-want-the-attaboys?). Regardless, in the words of the famous (and dearly departed) Michael Jackson - I am looking at the man in the mirror (and no I can't believe I can relate to words from a Michael Jackson song).

Happy Thursday!

My Grandmother

2011-04-12T08:20:00.002-04:00

My grandmother.

Stubborn, super smart, extremely social, and very independent.

92 years old and, until recently, living on her own.

She is the matriarch of our family.

She is not doing well.

In the last six weeks she has developed (very painful) shingles, has had to move out of her home (where she has lived for the last 40+ years), has had to give up her dog (which, as you know, to me would be the hardest thing ever), and has been in and out of the hospital with congestive heart failure. Now she has had an emergency appendectomy.

Gram (as I call her) has a strong faith in Christ, a devoted church family, and has been very active in her community (you've never met a woman with a social schedule as full as my grandmothers). I believe all of these things will help carry her, but her body is not doing well.

Please pray for peace, comfort, and healing for her.

Please pray for strength for my aunts and uncle as they make decisions and deal with doctors.

my grandmother and aunts at Christmas this year

The Danger of a Single Story

2011-03-07T09:10:00.004-05:00

I'll admit it....I have been guilty of the assuming the single story. Never more so than when we first began the process of adopting our children from Ethiopia and my only frame of reference was "We Are the World" and a photo of a starving child. I am afraid that I am not alone in my misconceptions.

Sigh.

Happy Monday!

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The Pilot's Wife

2011-02-19T15:40:00.004-05:00

I think I've figured out why Captain Ed and I may possibly sometimes have issues.

We never see each other.

I used to think it was because he was off delivering airplanes to here, there, and everywhere (note the pic. It is from a delivery to Ketchikan, Alaska) but that's not really true. Even when he's here, we really don't see each other that much.

See Captain Ed's "local" job is teaching people to fly. This doesn't exactly happen during "normal business hours". More likely, people are learning to fly in the evenings and weekends. So I find myself coming home during the week in time for him to leave to teach a lesson. And don't even get me started on the weekends. I can't tell when the last time was that a weekend went by without a student obligation. And it's only going to get worse as the days get longer.

In my head, I know it's a nice problem to have and we're lucky he's able to pick up students at the flight school, but it does make for some lonely nights and weekends and some days (say, this one) I feel down right sorry for myself.

Sigh.

Happy Saturday!

Four Years Home

2011-02-18T15:06:00.004-05:00

You may recall in my last post I mentioned that the Woodman is struggling with reading. I thought it couldn’t possibly be a language issue–the kid has now spent more than half his life in this country. I mean sure it might be a tiny piece of the puzzle, but it couldn’t possibly explain the huge gap we have in achievement.

Well we got some test scores this week that blew. me. away. Off the charts scores in non-verbal skills and verbal scores that were just anemic. We are talking a gap of epic proportions. The explanation? Lack of exposure to the language. I about fell over.

Seriously, if you met the Woodman today, you would have no idea that he was not from here. To hear him talk, you would have no idea that English is not his first language. He's become as American as apple-pie. He watches TV, plays Wii, eats McDonalds, rides his skateboard, and is a little miffed that I won't let him play tackle football. He's so become so American that even I forget that his first almost four years were not spent here and so I discount the effect those crucial years have had.

Sigh.

I’m sorry Wood.

Happy Friday!

Why My Kids Eat Limes

2011-02-11T12:31:00.007-05:00

As an adoptive mom I am constantly trying to discern how much of my children's behavior is related to their LBU - their Life Before Us. I can't tell you how many times I've watched my kid do something and thought "Mmmm...is that an LBU thing?" Nine times out of ten, the answer doesn't even matter. I'm just curious.

For example - both my kids eat limes. I first saw this on the plane home from Ethiopia with the Woodman. The kid would not stop crying. Finally, ~~a flight attendant~~ an angel from God gave him a lime. He stopped crying and ate it. Just like that. Now it never would have occurred to me to give a child a lime. So is eating limes something my kids learned LBU? Probably. Does it matter? Nope. But I do think about it every time I see one of them eat a lime.

Then there are other things. T-man is going through a stage where he loves to play "story" and his "story" is always the same. He's a baby that is left on a door step and that I'm the mom who found him. Mmmmm. My BFF (who has six bio children) tells me that this is perfectly normal and that she wouldn't think twice about it. But as an adoptive mom, I can't help but think twice about it. If your kid has been with you since birth, you pretty much know that he/she was never left on a doorstep and you are pretty much safe to assume that this story is nothing more than their healthy imagination. But as an adoptive mom, it's hard for me to make that assumption. I mean, what if my kid is acting out some real issues?

The Woodman's having hard time with reading. It's a real struggle for him. Is it because he didn't come here until he was almost four? Would he still be struggling if he was learning to read in his first language? And how much energy does one spend trying to find out? Unless it can help us help him with where he is now, I'm not sure there is a lot to be gained by finding out that the Woodman would be at the top of his class if he was reading in Amharic. But that sure doesn't help me from wondering.....

about everything.

An Update in Pictures

2011-02-06T09:44:00.018-05:00

Kids and Culture

2011-01-30T10:43:00.003-05:00

So I've tried to give my kids some culture over the last few days and this has pretty much been the reception I've gotten.....

On Wednesday I took the kids to see an African Children's Choir at T-man's school. (Which I have some opinions on but I will save those for their own post.) Anyway, the reaction I received when I announced that we were going to the event. Well, let's just say the boys were less than excited. Not even 15 minutes into the performance, the younger one was asking if I had brought anything with which to color and the older one was digging in my purse for his BlayBlade (or however the heck you spell it). Sigh.

Then yesterday I took them to the Children's Discovery Concert at the local symphony. Again, I was met with a chorus of groans which were partially mollified by the news that we were meeting friends at the event. While I wouldn't go as far as to say they had fun (although I thought the symphony did an excellent job on the event), the older one did agree to attend again at some point so I will count that as a win.

I was talking to some girlfriends last night who joked that I was going all "tiger-mom" on my kids by dragging them to this stuff. Maybe. But at the risk of being ostracized for agreeing with some of tiger-mom's points (which again is fodder for it's own post), I am not sure that's all bad. And, with advance apologies to Wood and T, I will keep searching for ways to expose my boys to things other than Pokemon and Sponge Bob.

Happy Sunday!

Better

2011-01-12T19:17:00.008-05:00

I'm doing better. Why? Because I actually took some action. Duh. Amazing how that works. Herein is my list of tools (that hopefully I will remember to pull out of the toolbox in the future).

Tool #1 - Exercise
A few months back, in an effort to cut expenses, Captain Ed and I decided to cancel our Y membership. Well, we recently reinstated it and I have gone everyday since. I feel so much better! You hear it all the time but it really is amazing how much exercise can improve your outlook. (That said, I get that if you are depressed, it's not that simple and I certainly don't mean to insult you by implying that it is. I'm just saying for me, today, it's working.)

Tool #2 - Don't Read Blogs
A friend and I were talking about how inspiring blogs can be. And, yes, saometimes I'll read a blog that blows me away and I'll be inspired. But more likely I'll read a blog and use its contents to beat myself up. I will focus on what I don't have (a rock solid faith that Jesus is the only answer), what I am not (a SAHM, a mother of 37 kids), what I am not doing (building a library in Africa), or how I am just not that funny (there are some darn funny blogs out there). So, sorry. If I don't know you in real life, most likely I have had to stop reading your blog. I need to focus on my insides not your outsides.

Along those same lines.....

Tool #3 - Don't Read Face Book
Really, I need to cut out FB altogether (see above), but for now I've settled with blocking all but a handful of people. So if you can't post on my wall and I can't see yours, please don't be offended. This is about me putting boundaries on, well, me.

Tootl #4 - Write. Really Write.
I've been journaling a bit. I have a friend and we have an agreement that if something ever happens to either one of us, we'll go get the other ones private journals and burn them. Let's just say that C - I have another one for you! All kidding aside, it has been wonderful to just take a pen to paper and let things fall where they may. I highly recommend it.

Those are the big ones. I've taken some other steps too. I've signed up to audit a class that I am interested in (Intro to African Studies) and have met with a career counsel to discuss plans for life after my indentured servitude is over. Captain Ed and I have started the Dave Ramsey course. Not so much for the finances (we're actually in pretty good shape there) but to force us to have a conversation once a week (and, no, I'm not kidding). And - after 18 months home - I've finally scheduled T-mans baptism.

Obviously these are not all tool box material, but the idea that I've taken care of some things is. And I think the bottom line is that I've taken action.

We'll see how long it lasts.

Happy Wednesday!

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year

2011-01-02T19:42:00.006-05:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (both a little late)!

The whole holiday thing feels like some out of body experience. On the one hand it went by waayy too fast. On the other hand, it feels like it was a million years ago. Overall, it was good. We went down to see my mom's family which was great, but being down there amongst all the O'Grady women, I really missed my mom.

As for New Years, I've decided to take a break from blogging. It's not a resolution per se and it's not that I won't ever blog (Really - have you seen my boys? They are the most wonderful kids ever. How could I resist sharing their awesomeness from time to time?). But the reality is that where I am now I have some things that are better worked out in another forum.....say, a journal where I can write without editing myself. I can't keep up both. I can't be myself 100% in a journal and edit myself on a blog. So the blog is on the back burner until I figure some things out.

(Of course, writing this I have a dozen "blog" thoughts in my head. Amazing how you give yourself permission not to do something and suddenly you find yourself able to do it!)

Happy Sunday!

Sadness

2010-12-15T19:02:00.001-05:00

Musical Monday

2010-12-13T21:18:00.004-05:00

I think I've shared this one before, but the T-man has been singing it all day, so it's rather stuck in my head. Enjoy!

Atlanta Trip - Part I

2010-12-12T19:21:00.006-05:00

The boys and I took a quick trip back to Atlanta this weekend.

I don't know about you, but for me the really good times of my life have only gotten better with age. It's as if the more time passes, the less I remember any bad stuff.
The time our family lived in Atlanta was one of those good times. I was a new mom and had the privilege of staying home and focusing on that, so it was already a magical time. But then I made some wonderful friends and I felt a real sense of belonging. That, for me, has been the key to the good times in my life. In every case when I look back and think "that was good", the common denominator has been that I felt a part of. And I love that even though our lives have changed, whenever I (and my boys) go back down, we are welcomed with open arms and are immediately accepted as "part of". I am lucky to have such wonderful ladies in my life; I am renewed and grateful.

Water for Mudula

2010-12-06T13:12:00.002-05:00

Mudula Water

Important stuff.

Checking In

2010-12-04T20:04:00.003-05:00

I had every intention of posting the Woodman's famiversary montage on Wednesday (4 years home!) but I didn't finish it. I kept thinking I would make sure I got that done before I did another blog post, but well, the best laid plans and all that.

Do you ever have one of those days where you really pray that it's not your last because you know you've totally wasted it?

Yep, today was one of those for me.

I did run a 5K this morning (which was a big deal considering I haven't done one of those since my surgery....in 2007.....), but other than that, I feel like I have gotten nothing done.

Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.

Happy Saturday!

Musical Monday

2010-11-29T21:18:00.008-05:00

More of my all over the map music....

I blogged a couple of days ago about our trip to the hinterlands of Russia. Since we were literally on the other side of the world, the time was exactly 12 hours ahead. Needless to say, this meant we often found ourselves wide awake in the middle of the night watching bad tv*.

And there wasn't much choice in the bad tv you watched. If I recall, the tiny tv in the tiny hotel in this industrial Siberian town got two channels. One channel played Russian news. The other - music videos. Including this one - which it played over. and over. and over. and over.

So in honor of our Thanksgiving 2005 trip to Russia, here's Kanye and Jamie. The song actually brings a smile to my face because as painful as that trip was, there were good things about it.

Enjoy!

* There was one night when we couldn't take it anymore and took it upon ourselves to bundle up and go for a walk at 3am. Our guide was appalled, but we had a great time.

Silent Sunday

2010-11-28T12:00:00.000-05:00

I've mentioned her before....she's still listed as available! Meet Venus!

Ghosts of Thanksgivings Past*

2010-11-24T09:18:00.013-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about the why of my current depression. (Not that depression needs a reason - that's what is so insidious about it. For me, depression takes the form of an overwhelming sadness that crashes over you and leaves you paralyzed - sometimes quite literally.)

Anyway, this is what I have come up with. I have been overwhelmed by a feeling of powerless and lack of control. I have not been able to picture what my life looks like going forward, which means for me, I have not had a plan (read: hope) for a better future. I have had absolutely no idea what I am supposed to do with the rest of my life (this probably goes back to the whole suddenly having a bunch of time on my hands).

And then, this morning, I had a breakthrough.

It's ok.

It's ok that I have no idea what's next.

I know this because I woke up this morning and remembered where I was five years ago. Five years ago today. It was Thanksgiving day 2005 Captain Ed and I were on an airplane to travel here.

And yes, that would be Siberia - literally.

We met this kid.

I was sure he was our son.

Guess what?

He wasn't.

Two days before we were to return, we got a call.

It wasn't meant to be.

I was angry, hurt, devastated, hopeless.

And then, eventually, thanks to Captain Ed (who had to take over at this point) we pulled ourselves together and saw this.

Look familiar?

Yep. That's my Woodman.

I need to remember this.

When things look so completely black and I can't see a way out. I need to remember that God has a plan. I may not be able to see it, but it's there. If I ever forget that, all I have to do is look at my oldest son. The greatest blessing in my life. He is more than I could ever have imagined. When that first adoption didn't happen, I reached my lowest point. But what God had planned for me was even better than I ever could have imagined - even if I didn't know it or believe it.

So Thanksgiving day 2006 Captain Ed and I found ourselves on another airplane. This one to Ethiopia and we became this.

Happy Thanksgiving!

*or How I Know Everything is Going to be Alright

Thankful Thursday

2010-11-18T15:40:00.010-05:00

Do you have any idea how hard it is to write a Thankful Thursday post when you are depressed? Which, yes, I still am (depressed)- but in the interest of trying to act my way into right thinking, here goes. My Thankful Thursday five things.

1. I am thankful for my house. A bit ironic since I am always complaining about it but I am grateful to have a roof over my head (even if that roof does sometimes leak!).

2. I am thankful for my kids. No explanation required!

3. I am thankful for my husband. He really is a good guy.

4. I'm thankful for music and that no matter what mood you're in, there's music for it. (No idea why I chose Pink Floyd here.)

5. I am thankful for my dogs. Much as they can be a pain, there is nothing like the unconditional love of my four footed friends.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-17T16:31:00.004-05:00

Hard to believe but I'm in the middle of writing the Woodman's 4 year post placement report! On the one hand, it does irritate me that I have to write these things year after year. On the other hand, it does give me a chance to look back over the last year and pull together some of my favorite pics of the kid. Enjoy!

and my favorite....

Well, that didn't turn out so well.....

2010-11-16T08:15:00.002-05:00

So remember Sunday I postedfootball updates? The Bills had won and I had high hopes for my Redskins who were playing at home against the Eagles in Monday Night Football.

Let's just say that one did not turn out so well. The Redskins lost 59-28. Yikes!

Quotes

2010-11-15T16:30:00.004-05:00

I may change the title of my blog. I've finished school and don't have as much on my plate so the Spin Cycle just doesn't quite fit anymore. I may switch back to 4Dogmamma - at least until I can come up with something better.

Which brings my to today's topic. I have been googling quotes for inspiration on a new catchy new blog name. During my research I found some good quotes on John Barleycorn and thought I'd share. Enjoy!

Everyone who drinks is not a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets. ~From the movie Arthur

No poems can please for long or live that are written by water-drinkers. ~Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus), Satires

They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst. ~Scottish Proverb

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. ~Ernest Hemingway

Draft beer, not people. ~Author Unknown

Musical Monday

2010-11-15T09:07:00.002-05:00

So it may be a little early for this one but

1. We had our Thanksgiving celebration at work last week, so I now feel justified in moving on to Christmas.

and

2. It's Monday, I need a little pick me up, and this song puts a spring in my step.

Enjoy!

Football Updates

2010-11-14T19:46:00.005-05:00

The Bills won! Crossing my fingers on the Skins-Eagles game tomorrow night - go 'Skins!.

(We won't talk about the Clemson game yesterday or the fact that the Bills running back - former Clemson Tiger CJ Spiller - pulled a hamstring in the win. Like Scarlett O'Hara, we'll deal with that tomorrow.)

Perfect Fall Weather

2010-11-13T19:28:00.001-05:00

Don't really want to post, but in honor of NaBloMo, distracting you with pictures of the boys taken earlier on this beautiful fall day.

Help Marvin

2010-11-12T20:16:00.003-05:00

My friend Lucy posted about Marvin and you know I can't keep quiet about a dog in need. See Lucy's site here for a note about Marvin.

Even better...just go here and bring him home.

Marvin

Confession Friday

2010-11-12T15:56:00.006-05:00

If it weren't NaBloMo, I wouldn't blog today, but I am trying to follow-through on that so here goes.

My old friend depression is back.

Depression has got to be the ultimate spin doctor. It will tell you that a full glass is empty and you'll believe it. Because even though you are looking right at the glass and can clearly see that it's full, the depression will find a way to rationalize that the glass is empty or convince you that what's in the glass doesn't count.

Depression will find a reason for you to be unhappy about even the most wonderful things. Then it will use the fact that you aren't happy about those wonderful things to feed itself. The depression will then start to take on a life of it's own.

Sigh.

This will pass. It may take a day or it may take weeks, but I know it will pass.

Here's hoping it only takes days.

Thank You

2010-11-11T14:39:00.005-05:00

Even a bleeding heart liberal like myself knows that freedom comes at a price. Thank you to our vets - your courage humbles and amazes me! Thank you for all you do!

P.S. Go Bills!

So Proud

2010-11-11T12:00:00.000-05:00

Ethiopian distance runner Gebre Gebremariam won the
New York City Marathon this past weekend. Way to go!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-10T12:00:00.001-05:00

Taking advantage of NaBloMo to post Halloween pictures....

Happy Anniversary

2010-11-09T10:13:00.014-05:00

On November 9, 2002 I met this guy

here
.

We saw one of these

who pronounced us this
,

Afterward, we celebrated here

(which unfortunately now looks like this - uh oh!)

Eight years later.....

It hasn't always been smooth

but I'm hopeful that together we can
.

So today I wish a heartfelt

to my dear husband - Captain Ed
.

Love,

Me

Musical Monday

2010-11-08T12:00:00.001-05:00

In honor of my trip down memory lane while perusing the album section at Edward McKay this weekend, I bring you a song from my very first album purchase....Shaun Cassidy. Enjoy!

A Few Hours Later.....

2010-11-07T13:09:00.005-05:00

After I posted this morning, I did something I hadn't done in a long time. I went for a run. Ok - so it was more like a jog/walk thing. The point is I got out and exercised and I felt so. much. better.

Amazing how that works.

Happy Sunday!

Grrrrrrrr

2010-11-07T06:58:00.003-05:00

Do you ever have those days where you just wake up in a foul mood? That's me. I woke up today just angry and pissed off at the world.

I could blame it on the dogs (who had to go out at 5:00am) or the kids (who - let's face it - have no concept of daylight savings time). It could be that I had horrible dreams last night (I have vivid dreams every night, but when they are bad like last night, they can be downright exhausting) or that I have been fighting a cold. I feel like a caged animal - just pacing and angry.

I guess the day can only get better from here.

Happy Sunday!

On Books and Records

2010-11-06T18:26:00.006-04:00

I was at my favorite used book store today and realized how much I'd missed the place. I got a Kindle as a birthday present and I am really trying to get into using it but I'm just not in love with the thing. I realized today when I was in the bookstore just how much I miss real books. I love the weight of them in my hand. I love the print. I love being able to see the progress I've made as I move the pages from my right hand to my left. I wonder if it's a generational thing? Does not having real books bother younger readers? I mean, are they so used to reading on-line that it's their normal?

On a related note, said local used book stores also sells real record albums. I love looking through the stacks. Today I saw a copy of the Donna Summer album I got for my birthday in 1978 and a copy of the Adam Ant album that I bought at the mall with my BFF Kathleen in 8th grade. I was absolutely giddy and kept calling Captain Ed over to "look at this one" or "check this out". The Captain and I actually still have a record player. It doesn't get used much anymore, but maybe tonight I'll bust it out and play "The White Album". After all, it's not called "The White CD"!

Happy Saturday!

NaBloMo - Year 2....

2010-11-05T13:30:00.002-04:00

and I'm already behind by 5 days. Do I get make up credit if I post two entries in one day? I figure I don't twitter, so I could post a couple of twitter-like entries and squeeze five out easily and then be all caught up???

Really, I do much better with a goal (remember me - lover of lists - I know it's been a while) - so I actually like the idea of NaBloMo.

We'll see how it goes. Happy Friday!

Kids Say the DarndestThings

2010-10-23T16:06:00.003-04:00

Remember that Cosby show? A couple from my kids that I want to remember.

__________

Wood: Mom, when are we going to go get a baby sister?

Me: Well, honey, there are a couple of things we need to get work out before we can adopt again. Like some more room. Where would we put a baby sister?

Wood: Couldn't we just put her in a baby crate? Like the dogs?

(Note to social worker - we do NOT put our children in crates.)
__________

Ted: I'm going to be a policeman for Halloween and if anybody does something wrong I'm going to put them in the jail. Except the kids. They can't go to jail. I'm going to send them to Juvie.

(My kids have been playing "juvie" quite a bit recently. I have not idea who told them about "juvie".)

___________

Ted: I want to push the butt.

(His word for button. I'll be kinda sad when he grows out of saying this one.)

___________

Wood: Teddy, I have to go poop. Do you want to come?

(Said at home while they are in the boys are in the middle of playing and, of course, little brother goes right on in the bathroom. I will not miss this one.)
__________

Ted: Mom, can I wear my skirt today?

(His word for undershirt. He loves wearing his undershirts. It makes him feel grown up since Daddy wears undershirts.)

__________

Ted: Mom, do you know what evil means? It means evil.

(Note: This one can be applied to any number of things. I.e. Mom, do you know what dog means? It means dog.)
__________

Wood: Mom, I feel like I'm going to spill.

Me: Spill? What are you talking about?

Wood: I feel like something is going to spill out of my mouth.

(Said about two seconds before the kid actually threw up and "spilled" out of his mouth.)

___________

Wood: Mom, do I have to go to church today? I really need a day off to relax.

(Said last Sunday after we spent the day before at a wedding. We went to church despite the kid's "need to relax". I did offer to let him skip the birthday party that afternoon, but somehow he didn't need to relax that badly.)

Happy Birthday T-man!

2010-10-20T12:00:00.000-04:00

I love this kid more than I ever thought possible. Really, before T I wondered if I could love another child as much I loved the Woodman. Now I love both my boys so much that some days I just want to explode. I can't get enough of them.

So, T - happy 5th birthday! Your Daddy and I love you to pieces!

How?

2010-10-19T20:46:00.003-04:00

How How How do you keep up a blog? I am constantly amazed at the blogs that I follow that have updates every time I check them. Really, how do you find the time to keep it up?

So hats off to you ladies (and men) who keep up the blogs. Thank for you inspiring us, thank you for entertaining us, and thank you for giving us a glimpses into your lives. You are my favorite distractions.

Confession Friday

2010-10-08T13:25:00.005-04:00

Has it really been a week? Have I really missed Silent Sunday, Musical Monday, Wordless Wednesday, and Thankful Thursday? Is it really back to Confession Friday? Apparently it is, so here goes.

I spend waaaayyyy too much time poking around blogs and Facebook. It's to the point that I have thought about deleting my Facebook account. That said, my goal for the next seven days is not to open Facebook once. (Hmmmm....am I setting myself up to have something to write next Confession Friday?)

I had a blood test this week and guess what? My iron is normal! And, yet, I am not happy about this. After all, if my iron level was dismal, I'd be justified in going to bed at 9:00pm. Instead, we're going to try some extra vitamin D (which was a little low) and see if that helps the energy level. I'll keep you posted (and if it doesn't I'll be asking for any suggestions because I really would like to get more day out of my 24 hours).

Not really a confession here, but I really love my kids more than I ever thought possible. They are the best and I literally cannot imagine that Wood and T were ever not with me. It really amazes me how these two kids born on the other side of the world could be such part of me. I am so, so blessed. (Having said that, I do sometimes still get defensive about the whole pregnancy thing.)

I love being a part of the whole circle-of-moms. One day this week I had to be at work early, so I dropped Wood off at a friends to get a ride to school. Just a few hours later another mom (who had to be at work) dropped her son off at our house to get a ride to school with T. See what I mean? Circle of moms (and dads - since truthfully Captain Ed takes the younger son to school). It really does take a village.

Have a great weekend!

Confession Friday

2010-10-01T12:35:00.002-04:00

My recent posts about wanting to move and exhaustion have left me feeling exposed. I am resisting the urge to go back and delete them. I want you, dear reader, to think that I have my stuff together and that even when I don't, I am witty and funny. But those posts were neither funny nor fluffy. They were streams of consciousness that have left me feeling very vulnerable.

I also have another reason for wanting to delete the “move post”. At the risk of exposing more of my twisted thinking, I have this idea that by deleting the post, I will delete the guilt of wanting more while others have nothing. What can I say - I'm the child of bleeding heart liberals. I suffer from middle class guilt and no, I do not want to get into a debate about the merits of this affliction.

Moving on to lighter topics.

I have managed to misplace our application for T-mans re-adoption. It was done, signed, in the envelope, stamped and ready to go and now I cannot find it anywhere. Uggh. Saying a prayer to St. Anthony.

I had to call the dad of one of the Woodmans friends last night about a play date. Y’all know how much I hate calling people. I dialed the number about five times before I finally entered it and hit send. Nerve racking.

(BTW, do people say dial numbers anymore? I mean really, you aren’t dialing anything. I guess it’s like sales on the album chart. You aren’t selling albums anymore either.)

So that’s it. As usual, I’m all over the board.

Have a great weekend!

I want to move

2010-09-29T21:43:00.005-04:00

The idea of moving has been in the back (and front) of my head for some time.

I want more room. I want to not hear the tv on going downstairs when I am upstairs. I want a kitchen with more than two drawers (Literally. I have two kitchen drawers.) I want a house where the arrangement of the furniture is not dictated by the location of the two electrical outlets in the room. I want the dogs to have a backyard to really run in. I want the boys to have a place where their friends can come over to play Wii without the dogs bothering them (the Wii is currently set up in the back room, which happens to be the only place we can really set up three dog crates. And, trust me, when friends come over, we crate the dogs.) I want to be able to get out of the shower in the morning without a line waiting of people waiting to use the one shower in the joint. I want the kids to be able to play in the yard without worrying about them running into the busy street that runs right in front of our house. I want room to adopt again if we so choose.*

I've probably mentioned this before, but I bought our house before Captain Ed. I bought it when I was a single gal with one (geriatric) dog (that would be Sammy Jo - dog #1 of 4 dogmomma. May she rest in peace.). Today, we are a family of 4 with a pack of 3 dogs and I just feel like we've outgrown the place.

But I am terrified of trying to sell this house. We really need to put some money into the house before we can even try to sell it and the whole issue of what to do when has become a very sensitive subject for the Captain and I. Just last weekend we had an very ugly "discussion" about it. I feel guilty for having brought this house into the marriage and yet resentful at the Captain that he can't get us out of it. Ironic, huh?

And then I really don't even know if it makes sense for us to move. My employer paid for my MBA so I'm an indentured servant here until 2012. After that, we really could go anywhere. But will we? If we are planning to stay in the area, we might as well go ahead and move now. But if we really think we might leave then I should just suck it up for the next two years. But two years seems so far away and I am itching to do something now. What's the saying....I want what I want when I want it. And I want a bigger house with more bathrooms and a bigger yard.

With all this in mind, it will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me that I've been stalking the real estate listings - one neighborhood in particular. We have friends that live over there and I always fantasize about what it would be like to live in one of those houses with the big yards and the multiple full baths. I looked yesterday and one of the houses in this neighborhood - a house that I've been tracking for months - has gone into foreclosure and is on auction block! Cart before the horse, I called the bank.....I qualify, even with the mortgage on our current home. (I guess that's one advantage of having lived in the same place for a while. Relatively speaking, the mortgage on our current home is not very big.)

I haven't told the Captain about it. Again, the whole idea of moving and what to do with this house has been a touchy subject. The auction is up at 3:00pm on Monday. On the one hand, it would be a great deal. On the other hand, it would definitely mean staying in Winston for at least the next five years and the idea of being tied down (geographically) scary. I feel like it would mean shutting the door on potential opportunities elsewhere and what if there is something better out there? That is a huge fear of mine. That I'll miss something.

I'm trying to discern Gods plan in all of this and I am at least taking solace in my faith that God is bigger than I am and his plan will ultimately prevail - despite whatever (the Captain and) I choose to do. But of course, that has not stopped the chatter in my head.

Aggh.

Sigh.

Goodnight.

*Theoretically we could add another person, but if I am feeling cramped now, I cannot even imagine what it would be like with Agnes here. Of course, the idea that we, with all our riches, don't have room for one more stirs up all sorts of feelings of guilt. Mmmmm....I think I have just found my confession Friday topic for the week.

Great Book

2010-09-28T12:00:00.004-04:00

I simply cannot say enough good things about this book. It's a fictional story that takes place in Ethiopia! I couldn't put it down and read all 600+ pages in about a week (no small task for someone who sleeps a lot, works full time, and has kids). It's an epic that follows the lives of twins born at a mission hospital in Addis who are raised by Indian ex-pat doctors at said hospital.

Cutting for Stone was written by Abraham Verghese who himself was born to Indian ex-pat teachers in Ethiopia. Dr. Verghese is now a medical doctor at Stanford so there are a lot of medical references - but they are well explained and really do add to the tension of the book. Awesome book for anyone but particularly good if you have some connection to Ethiopia!

Musical Monday

2010-09-27T12:00:00.003-04:00

Today's Musical Monday is courtesy of the Woodman, who looked through the past editions of Musical Monday and had this to say.....

Me - "Wood, what do you think of Mommy's music?"

Wood - "I don't like it. If you changed it, I would like it."

He did, however, at least recognize this group and asked if that was "Puff the Magic Dragon." It wasn't, but this is. Enjoy!

Silent Sunday

2010-09-26T14:33:00.004-04:00

I've mentioned this beauty before, but I am hoping that today is the someone falls in love with Venus and she finds her forever family (maybe yours???) Contact AARF for more info about Venus.

Exhaustion

2010-09-25T19:04:00.004-04:00

I'm exhausted.

It's not an I've been-really-busy-exhausted (Relatively speaking, I haven't been super busy of late.)

It's not an I'm really-sleepy-tired-exhausted. (I'm not sleepy.)

It's not even an I'm-depressed-exhausted. (Trust me, I'm familiar with that one.)

No, this is an exhaustion that I'm not sure can be understood unless you've lived it. It's a watching-the-clock-and-wondering-if-it's-too-early-to-politely-go-to-bed-exhausted.

It's a don't-you-see-I-can't-talk-to-anyone-right-now-and-I-can't-have-any-noise-or -other-distractions-around-because-being-awake-is-taking-110%-of-my-energy-right-now-exhausted. (Kinda tough when you have two wonderful little boys who want to play.)

It's spending at least one night a week sleeping 12 or 13 hours straight to play "catch-up" because even with the 9.5 hours of sleep you get every night, you're still having to dip into your reserves.

And it sucks.

The worst part is not being able to explain it. Captain Ed can thrive on 5 or 6 hours of sleep and while we've been together long enough now that he knows I need alot of sleep, it's still sometimes hard for him to understand - especially when it gets this acute. After all, going to bed when the kids do (and struggling to stay up that long) can wear on a marriage.

So I think it's back to the doctors for me. I have low iron and I've been here before. It's just been a while and, frankly, I was hoping a little womens surgery about three years ago cured this problem. But I guess not.

Sigh.

I think I'm going to go take a nap.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-09-22T12:50:00.004-04:00

Because they're cute.....

Where's T? Take 2.

2010-09-21T12:43:00.005-04:00

Remember this one?

Once again, our little man has proven that when little kids need to sleep, they'll crash anywhere.

P.S. I have to admit. I immediately thought of Moses in the basket when I saw this.

Musical Monday

2010-09-20T13:22:00.002-04:00

No real reason for this one - other than it's from one of my favorite albums (and I do mean albums) and it's stuck in my head. Enjoy!

Thankful Thursday

2010-09-16T12:00:00.001-04:00

For today's Thankful Thursday entry, I'd like to sing the praises of.....butter.

Not margarine, not oleo, not-wimpy-butter-spread substitute, but real, honest to goodness butter. Yum. That stuff is magic. Put it anything and it just makes it better.

So as trivial as it may seem, today I am grateful for butter.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-09-15T21:19:00.007-04:00

My dad gave me a wonderful photo album when he was in town this weekend. Looking through it, I was shocked to realize how small the Woodman used to be. While I knew he had grown, I think I'd forgotten that he used to be the little one in the house. Is it awful to say that I miss that little guy? Don't get me wrong, I love the young man that he has become, but I miss little Wodajo and it just makes me sad to think that he's grown up so fast. I feel like he just came home, but he's actually lived here longer than he lived in Ethiopia! How does that saying go.....with kids, the years fly by, but the days seem to last forever. So true!

Woodman at Atlanta Zoo, February 2007, age 3 and a half

Musical Monday

2010-09-13T13:00:00.000-04:00

Showcasing more of my eclectic taste.....

Free Time (and why I don't have any)

2010-09-11T14:47:00.005-04:00

I supposedly have all of this free time on my hands now that I've finished school. You'd think this would mean more than a blog post every two weeks especially since blogging is something that I like to do. But alas two things have distracted me...

1. Spending time with my boys. I have just loved spending more time with them and have found that the more time we spend together, the more time I want to spend together. It's been wonderful to read them extra books, take them to soccer practice, and just be their mom.

2. Sleeping. I have been just exhausted recently. A few years ago, I went through a period when I was sleeping close to 12 hours a day. While I am not quite there yet, I am turning in when the kids do at 9:00pm.

So that's it.

When the kids are awake, I'm with them. When the kids are asleep, so am I. And the blog? Well, it will just have to limp along as best it can.

Musical Monday

2010-08-30T08:09:00.001-04:00

In honor of my mom who taught me an appreciation for folk music and Mary Travers who (along with Peter and Paul) filled our family room when I was growing up, today's Musical Monday is (in my mind) the ultimate sing-along song. Enjoy.

Silent Sunday

2010-08-29T19:59:00.007-04:00

Available for adoption at AARF.

A Story

2010-08-28T19:54:00.001-04:00

A friend of mine recently interviewed someone for a position she had open. The interviewee may have been technically capable of doing the job, but regardless my friend didn’t feel like she could hire him because of his grammar. The problem was that even though the candidate had graduated from college and looked ok on paper, his speech was (as she put it) “uneducated”. My friend allowed as how she had interviewed candidates that were better qualified, but she felt bad about not being able to hire this guy and this left her feeling uneasy. After all, he wasn’t the most qualified. So…..

Did she want to hire him because she felt sorry for him?

Did she want to hire him to prove that she was not racist (it just so happened that the candidate was African American)?

Did she want to hire him because she felt the environment she worked in was too white (it just so happened that my friend works in an office that was rather, shall we say, pale)?

Would have had these feelings if she had interviewed an uneducated sounding white person?

By choosing not to hire someone who, through no fault of their own, had not been brought up around educated people, was she herself guilty of perpetuating a class society? Did the fact that she was even worried about this make her a (gasp) Communist???

While parts of this story may be a little overdramatic, I still understood where my friend was coming from. It just resonated with me. I often find myself looking at my motives and I am especially cognizant of this where race is concerned.

I notice it at the pool where there is only one other African American family on our swim team.

I notice it at Woodmans school where there is maybe one other African American in the class.

I notice it in my department at work where there are no African Americans (or Hispanics or Asians for that matter).

Even that camp that we were at last week – the one that we loved and that we’ve already signed up to attend next year – was just an ocean of homogeneity. And I struggle - does that mean we shouldn’t go back? I mean our kids had a great time, shouldn’t that be enough?

Sigh.

Sometimes I wish I could just shut off the voices in my head.

Confession Friday

2010-08-27T23:59:00.003-04:00

1. I'm posting this on a Saturday. My rationale here is that I am trying to get back into the habit of blogging and post daily. Since I didn't post yesterday, I'm backdating.

2. How the heck do people post so often and with such good grammar? I often find myself reading over what I have posted and just cringe. I'm jealous.

3. I'm worried about the Woodman. So far 2nd grade does not seem to be going well -not from an academic standpoint (although I expect that is coming) but from a social perspective. I'm concerned that he's being left out at school. This worry may warrant a seperate blog post but I am on the fence about how much is too much information out here.

4. The Captain has not had many (any) out of town gigs recently. Instead of rejoicing that he is home, I am concerned about our cash flow. I feel guilty about that.

5. More than adopting another child, my wish today is to adopt another dog. In a perfect world we would have lots of land and lots of dogs. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world. (And no, I don't think three dogs is a lot.)

6. Number 5 is easy to say right now because all three of our dogs are curled up on the bed with me right now.

7. I lied. Only Maverick and Georgia are curled up on the bed. Big Stu is actually in the dog bed next to our bed, but that seemed to difficult to explain at the time.

8. It's been a struggle for me this week to stay up later than my kids (who go to bed at 8:30 and 9:00). In a perfect world, I'd go to bed at 8:00. (Unfortunately, it's not a perfect world. See #5.)

9. My maternal grandmother is 91 and lives by herself. This amazes me. My mom died three years ago Monday. Because the women on mom's side of the family have always lived long lives (my great grandmother died at the age of 96), my mom's death was something of a surprise (even though she'd been sick for years). I have another birthday coming up and I am painfully aware of middle-age. The idea that I am middle age scares the be-jeezus out of me!

and on that note....

10. I really need to get my hair colored before my college graduation on the 10th.

Thankful Thursday

2010-08-26T10:36:00.002-04:00

Today I am thankful for Bryan and Craig at Westergaard Kennels.

Anybody who has known me for more than about 5 minutes knows that before I was mom to Wood and T, I was a dogmomma. As is the case when kids come into the picture, the dogs have moved down a couple notches in the pecking order, but they’ll always be my babies. It’s a job and a responsibility that I take very seriously. That’s one of the reasons I am so grateful to Bryan and Craig over at Westergaard. They’ve had lots of offers to sell their 20 acres in Oak Ridge, but the animals and the farm is a passion for them and they do a great job.

I’ve been taking dogs to Westergaard since Sammy Jo (rest in peace) was about seven. I remember Bryan saying that in those last year's whenever Sam was visiting, he always checked on her first - just to make sure she was still breathing (She was, after all, a geriatric basset hound). Today Bryan handles most of the day to day at the kennel while Craig is off showing miniature horses. He does a great job of handling our pack and despite the fact he and Craig breed the most gorgeous goldens, he appreciates the value of a "we're-not-sure-maybe-a-lab-cocker-pit-golden-mix".

Wood especially enjoys riding out there with me to drop off and pick-up the dogs. He just adores Mr. Bryan and loves playing with the puppies and always asks if we take one home (ummm....sorry kid, no room at the inn).

So today I am thankful that there is a place like Westergaard and people like Bryan and Craig. Just thinking about them puts a smile on my face makes me feel good about the care my dogs are getting when we can’t be there.

The Woodman checking out the chickens (Bryan tells me that Craig is up to 100 of them. Yikes!)

Wood and T visiting the puppies

Wordless Wednesday

2010-08-25T10:29:00.000-04:00

The Woodman started second grade on August 25.
T-man heads back to preschool September 7.

Goodbye to Summer....to countless hours in the pool....

Hello to fall....to many hours spent at school...

Distracting you with.....more photos from our trip

2010-08-24T19:02:00.011-04:00

T-man riding a trike at "the barn"
T-man being read to by one of "the girls"

T and the other adorable 3-4 year olds in their tie-dyes cheering on the fun run
the Woodman in his tie-dye getting ready for the run
the boys and friends after the run

Greetings from Camp Kanuga!

2010-08-19T09:28:00.011-04:00

We're all having a great time. We've been doing all sorts of "camp" activities like rowing,

lake swimming (that's the Woodman over there at the dock),

and even high ropes.

By far though the best part of this whole experience has been watching Wood and T interact with the other kids. We're here for what is called a "Guest Period". I don't know how to describe it except to say it's like a commune--in a good way.

There are families from all over staying here in various cabins. Yes, the cabins are a bit dark and damp, but it's a camp, so this is to be expected. Meals are served family style in the dining hall and after every meal, the kids congregate outside in the courtyard while the parents visit or attend Vespers.

The Woodman has attached himself to a group of cousins from New York and Florida (all of whom have brought their DS's) and is having a great time doing whatever it is that boys do.

The T-man has become the darling of a group of tween girls. Everywhere we go it's "Hi Teddy!", "Oh, Teddy!", or "Hey, there's Teddy!". They have been falling all over themselves to carry Teddy around and fuss over him. I'm not sure the child's feet have touched the ground all week. He is absolutely eating it up.

(T-man and "the girls" as he calls them)

Between the two of them our dinner table has been besieged every night with boys coming up to give Wood hi-5s and girls waving to T and asking for hugs.

We're having a ball.

Too bad we have to come home.

File under

2010-08-16T08:00:00.002-04:00

Ethiopia in the News

2010-08-15T08:00:00.002-04:00

Check it out... Ethiopia was on the front page of the Wall Street Journal on Thursday.

Ok, so it wasn't a huge article (only a blurb that directed you to the story on page A8)as long as they weren't on the front page for bombing someone (ahem), I'll take it.

Going off the grid

2010-08-14T08:00:00.003-04:00

Today we're headed here for the week. We're staying in a cabin with no television, no internet and no ac. Just a week of togetherness with Captain Ed, the boys, my Dad, and Sheila. Someone call CBS. I think I may have found a location and cast for their next season of survivor. Survivor: Camp Kanuga. It has a nice ring to it don't you think?

All kidding aside, it should be relaxing and I'm grateful that my Dad has offered to take us. It's just that it has been 20 years since I spent more than about three days with him and I've never spent that much time with Sheila. And although the kids love their grandparents, they have different (read: more strict) rules than Ed and I do and it sometimes (understandably) confuses them with so many parental units around.

It should be interesting. I'll keep you posted!

Just my opinion

2010-08-13T12:55:00.005-04:00

Unless you have been under a rock, my guess is that you've heard of this little book. I understand (based on the barrage of Hollywood media) that it's coming out as a movie this weekend and that some big Hollywood actress (that would be Julia Roberts) is staring.

Well I have read the book and at the risk of being banished from the chick community, I have a confession.

I didn't like it.

Here's why -

In case you hadn't figured it out, after all the solo traveling (that I admired) and the search for self (ditto), the author finds true love*.

Really?

It all just seemed too neat.

Too cliche.

Too perfect Hollywood ending.

Which I guess explains why Julia Roberts will be starring on the big screen this weekend.

*No, I did not just give anything away. The title of the book already did that. You know - Eat, Pray, Love. Duh.

I'm Back!

2010-08-12T09:09:00.003-04:00

Two years and about a gazillion Harvard Business School case studies after I started, I finished my MBA. My last class was Monday. You'd think I'd be really excited about this wouldn't you? Instead, I am terrified.

I have that feeling of now what/panic/fear.

(Ummmm...perhaps the word I am looking for here is anxiety?)

For the last two years, I've been able to hide behind school and avoid anything I didn't want to do or any situation I didn't want to deal with. I mean really, I had this great excuse. On top of raising two kids and working full time, I was in this demanding MBA program. I didn't have one single minute to free to do or think about anything else.

But now.....

all of that stuff I avoided....

all of that stuff I said I was going to do as soon I finished....

It's time has come.

And I am terrified.

A Letter

2010-07-21T20:04:00.001-04:00

Dear Blog,

I miss you, but don't worry, I'll be finished with class in three weeks. I'll see you soon.

Love,

Me

St. Anthony

2010-07-16T10:13:00.004-04:00

St. Anthony, St. Anthony please come around.
There is something(s!) that's lost that must be found.

My cell phone.
The new one that Ed so sweetly bought me just three weeks ago.
I haven't seen it since Monday.

The Woodman's D.S.
It hasn't been seen since sometime Monday (or maybe Tuesday).
I am afraid that I may actually have been the last one to have it.

My house keys.
This would be about the third set I've lost.

My mind.
Because somehow I can't find these things and my mind is just going.
If you could help me get a grip on that too, I'd surely appreciate it.

About Mom

2010-07-02T09:53:00.006-04:00

My mom would have been 66 today.

With the end of my MBA program fast approaching, I have been thinking about her alot. I recently got an invitation to my graduation dinner. I can bring three guests. I immediately thought of my husband, my dad, and my mom. Then I thought, oh yeah, my mom's not here anymore.

Then I thought, she doesn't even know I am in school. She was gone before I started.

Then I thought, she thinks we live in Atlanta. When she died, we were living there, I was a SAHM, and we only had one child.

That seems so long ago. So much has happened since then.

Don't get me wrong, on some level, I get that Mom knows what's happened since she's been gone. I believe in Jesus. I believe in heaven and I believe she's there. But selfishly, I am still sad that I haven't been the one to share these major life events with her.

My mom was the best. She was awesome. She absolutely gave her life for my brother and I in ways that only now, as a mom myself, am I beginning to understand.

Happy Birthday Mom. I love you.

On Hiatus

2010-06-26T15:13:00.003-04:00

Sick and tired (literally) and on hiatus until further notice.

Time Capsule

2010-06-11T08:32:00.007-04:00

In honor of the Woodman's last day of first grade....a few things we'll remember.....

First we traded these

Then when Mrs. Ziegler had enough of those, we moved on to

Finally, by the end of the year we'd move on to

Throw in a brief period of Tech Decks and Mommy could not keep up! Congrats on a great year Bud! Daddy and I love you very much!

File this one under.....

2010-06-07T21:48:00.003-04:00

You see over there where I have the list of blogs I read....to inspire, to catch-up, and, of course, to distract.

Will here's one for file under the inspire category.

No Greater Joy Mom

Confession Friday

2010-06-04T14:42:00.004-04:00

Confession -

I have spent entirely too much time today in Wendy's world. Unfortunately, Wendy's world is not real. It's more a collection of internet sites and places in my head and, in general, ways for me to avoid doing the 50 million things I should be doing. Let's visit, shall we?

Ignoring the fact that you would have to sell your current house before you could even think of buying another one, find a local real estate site (I am currently partial to Coldwell Banker, but there are plenty to choose from). Then start looking for houses where you would like to live. Look at houses with big back yards, granite countertops, and 3+ bedrooms, 2+ bathrooms. (Note - You may wish to find a house with at least a 2 car garage as well. It may help your husband to envision this new world.)

Then spend time working on spreadsheets in which you analyze in what possible world you could afford said house (again, ignoring the fact that you would have to sell your current house first).

Now that you've moved into your big new house (in your head) imagine the additional children (read: girls) you would like to have in this new house. Spend time reading adoption blogs (of people you don't even know), visit adoption agency and imagine this new child. After all, you'll have room now.

Finally, check your 401K plan and calculate the number of years until retirement. Make sure this is in line with when your youngest will finish with school. Do a quick check to make sure the child you haven't yet adopted will be done with school as well. Imagine spending your golden years in the Peace Corps (a la Ruth Carter) and peruse volunteer opportunities in Africa.

Yep....welcome to Wendy's world.

T-man - Home 1 Year

2010-06-01T10:07:00.002-04:00

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Random thoughts

2010-05-27T11:40:00.000-04:00

I think I may have to break down and Twitter because I cannot seem to get my mind still enough to do an entire blog post. I'm at the point where I am thinking in soundbites. So here are (in my best SNL deep thoughts voice) are my random thoughts (be forewarned - they are all over the place)....

1. Four years old has got to be the perfect age. School is nothing but play time. You've finished with diapers so you don't walk around all smelly anymore, but you still have zero responsibility. You can dress yourself in absolutely anything and people still think it's cute. (Not so much when you're 41.) In short, four is the perfect mix of independence and irresponsibility.

2. T-man cried and cried when I told him school was out for the summer. )See above regarding school at four.)

3. Given the current oil disaster in the Gulf, I feel horribly guilty every time I get in my car. The feeling reminds me of when I first saw Dances With Wolves. After seeing that movie, my guilt over being the white man was such that I walked out of the theater wanting to give everything I owned to the closest Native American, fall down at his or her feet and beg for forgiveness. I have similar feelings now. I want to forsake my car, turn into beer cans, cry at the feet of a brown pelican and beg for forgiveness.

4. Captain Ed has been home for several weeks now. This means it's about time for him to go again. Too bad he can't go for a day. One day would be perfect. Just long enough for some Wendy time, but not long enough for me to be overwhelmed. Unfortunately, that's not really how it works. He's either here or he's gone....for weeks.

5. I officially have 76 days of my MBA program. I'm so sick of it I could scream. I'm sick of doing it, talking about it, and blogging about it, but mostly I'm just sick of thinking about it.

6. I need to brush up on my Ethiopian geography. People tell me what part of the country their kids are from and it means nothing to me. I'm a little embarrassed.

7. What is up with this dress? It looks like it's whole purpose is to model the bra underneath. I just don't get it.

8. Thanks to my friend Betsy who introduced me to the concept of drinking coffee through a straw, I have cut way down on coffee spills down the front of my shirt. (This is an occupational hazard when you drink as much coffee as I do.)

9. I love my dogs. More than that, I'm grateful that I love dogs period. They are such a blessing and, corny as it sounds, I feel like I'm a better person for loving them.

10. I really don't have a #10. But 9 just seemed a weird number to end on.

OMG!

2010-05-26T10:25:00.003-04:00

I found a blog for people like me....

The Secret Society of List Addicts.

To be fair, I haven't actually read this blog, but not since I started hanging around church basements and drinking bad coffee have I found such potential for being with people I could relate to.

Yeah, for those of us who make a list for everything from getting out of bed to making lists of lists....this rocks!

File Under

2010-05-20T15:34:00.004-04:00

General Public - Tenderness

Where's T?

2010-05-15T12:25:00.010-04:00

Where's T-man?

He's not sleeping in his bed.

There's only a Lego ship there.

Now where could that silly boy be?

It's midnight and I know he's asleep up here somewhere.....

Where is he?

T, T-man, where are you?

Oh! Silly me! There you are! Sleeping in the dog bed, of course. Now why didn't I think of that myself?

Night night T!

1st Grade Cuteness

2010-05-13T14:30:00.007-04:00

About a month ago (yes, I'm a little behind) the Woodman's class was part of the 1st grade musical at school (they were turtles). The musical was A Froggy Day in Lindentown and the theme song has been trapped in my head ever since. I hate it when one of the kids songs gets stuck there! Anyway, the kids did a super job, it was really cute* and, thankfully, did not have any cringe-worthy moments (and let's be honest, sometimes these things do).

The Woodman had warned me that his (one) line wasn't until the end of the musical and that the musical wasn't even scheduled to begin until after the 5th grade chorus performance and that the 5th grade chorus performance wasn't even scheduled to begin until after the PTA meeting.

So Ed, T-man, and I sat through the PTA meeting. We sat through the 5th grade chorus performance. And we sat through most of the musical, all the while anxiously awaiting the Woodman's big scene. And we were almost there when.....

T-man had to go to the bathroom.

Uggh.

So, I picked-up T and we raced out of the auditorium and up to the bathroom. I hurried him while he peed. I picked him up before he had time to wash his hands (ew) and we raced back to the auditorium and.....

we made it.

We got back just in time to hear Wood say his big line....

"The audience just couldn't wait and we're sure your anxious, too. So now we take you to the musical and Bully's grand debut."

Wodajo could have had the lead role and I don't think I would have been any prouder. Great job Woody!

*HUGE rave for the creative room moms who made the costumes. I wish I had a picture of the turtle shells - they were great! Let's just say if I was in charge, the kids in Wood's class would be holding signs that said "Pretend I am a turtle."

Depression

2010-05-12T12:45:00.006-04:00

Good news! Captain Ed made it to Nepal and, even better, he made it back! He got home at 2:00am Monday after logging 70 hours of flight time in a Caravan on the way there and 24 hours in a commercial plane on the way back. Altogether he was gone 10 days. But he's back and this is good news.

So why am I so depressed?

I've been here before.

I'm stressed and anxious while Ed's gone. Posting little updates about how I can't wait for him to get home and then when he does get home, I'm lost. See here's the thing.....when Ed's gone, I know what to do. It's quite simple. I do everything. Then when he gets home and I'm not quite sure what to do. We go through this phase of re-establishing our roles. I know I can't continue to do everything and I know I need to let him help, but at the same time I grieve the loss of control. Crazy, huh?

(Sidebar: Military families. How the heck do they do it? When a spouse has been deployed for months - even years - how do they adjust to life when the family is back together? Especially knowing that it's often just temporary?)

I think the hardest part of letting go of doing everything is that the part I end up giving up - taking T-man to school, helping Woodman with his homework, and working around the house - is the part of my life that I would rather be doing. But what choice do I have? Of work, school, and family - Ed is only in a position to help with family. So that is what I give up when he gets back and I am left with school and work.

And I am sad.

And I am depressed.

And I will get over it.

Just in time for Ed to leave again.

A downside

2010-05-05T12:14:00.002-04:00

When people ask me about adopting a toddler/pre-schooler, I just rave. Like everyone else, we'd heard all the horror stories. But both times we've done it, it's been a wonderful experience and we've felt like we've won the lottery. I would (and do) highly recommend it! (And, as I always joke, when your children come home at three and a half - in all likelihood, they are potty trained and sleeping through the night.)

One drawback though to toddler/pre-schooler adoption though......you may have to start all over with the immunizations.

I understand that immunizations are not fun at any age. And I get that babies cry and wail when they get shots, too. But I think it's especially hard when you have a child who's old enough to communicate that he does not want the shots, but not old enough to understand why he's getting them anyway. Think about it....here you are trying to convince this kid that you are trustworthy and that you will always take care of him. Then you take him to the pediatrician and you (along with two or three nurses) hold him down while he thrashes and screams "No Mommy. No shot." and give him a shot anyway. It's tough.

T-man had his third round of shots yesterday. He still cried and we still had to get a third person to hold down his legs, but he didn't cry long and it was easy enough to distract him afterward (nothing like a little ice-cream bribery!). I think it's because he's old enough now that we can explain it to him at least a little bit (and because he can understand the concept of ice cream afterward).

I think I'm more used to it now, too. Nobody told me about how hard it is as a parent to take your kid in for shots and the first time I ever took Woodman, I think I started crying as soon as he did. (Note: Seeing Mommy cry does not help a child stop crying.) I now know that I am not killing my child and that he will get over it. As a new mom who had skipped right over those baby years when you get (somewhat) used to your child crying, I wish someone had warned me about that.

Oh - and one other tidbit - make sure that the nurse has all the shots lined up before he or she even starts. Nothing worse than having to wait with a screaming child who has just received one shot while the nurse to go make up another one!

(In) Sanity Check and que Joe Cocker...

2010-05-04T21:33:00.004-04:00

This little e-mail pretty much explains it all.....

HAE72 is safely reaching HESH (Ras Nasrani, Egypt) at 16:48Z.

Go to EuroFPL Personal Flight Following:
http://tracking.eurofpl.eu/9489HAE72LGIR1005041130

I get one of these every couple of hours letting me know the husband's progress. It's actually very cool. It means Ed is safe and is a nice way of keeping the boys and I updated. It even has a cool little graphic like the ones in the seat backs on airplanes showing Ed's plane traveling across the globe. (In my head I always hear the Indiana Jones theme music when I see it. You know - from that part where they show Indy's plane traveling across the map to some exotic locale.)

Anyway, while I am happy Ed is "safely reaching Ras Nasrani", I'll be even happier when Ed is "safely reaching Smith Reynolds". In the meantime, I am (per usual) stretched a little thin but I want to give a huge THANK YOU to my friends who are always there to help out and understand. I'm so looking forward to being on the giving end of things. I've felt like such a taker over the last few years. It will be nice to be able to give back. I really couldn't do it without you!

Wordless Wednesday? Musical Monday?

2010-04-29T12:45:00.002-04:00

Either way....no words needed from me on this one....

My Love/Hate Relationship with Legos

2010-04-27T08:29:00.003-04:00

This is a picture of the "cars" T-man made for me out of legos. He carefully placed each car on the table right next to the bed so we would be able to sleep near them. Very sweet. But here's the thing.....

Legos bother me.

Not because I don't think they are super cool. They are. And I absolutely love that my kids spend hours playing with them and make me things (like cars with no wheels). But honestly they drive the anal-retentive, spreadsheet loving, everything has a place side of me up a wall. Every time I see those little blocks I have to resist the urge to organize them by size or color (or both!).

A couple months back, T-man dumped a shoe box full of crayons into the copy paper box full of legos. To sort it out, we had to dump out all of the legos. It soooo went against my nature to just put the legos back into the box when we were through. I really wanted to organize them into nice neat little piles-the red ones here, the yellow ones there, etc. Obviously, I didn't (although I did try for all of about two minutes) but a girl can dream.

Do you remember hearing that the mansion Tory Spelling grew up in a had a room dedicated to gift wrapping? I think if we ever have a mansion (ha ha ha), we are going to have a room dedicated to legos - with little buckets for each color, of course!

2010-04-23T15:44:00.003-04:00

Well thanks to a little volcanic eruption in Iceland, the husband did not make it to Nepal. In fact, he didn't make it off the continent this week. He flew as far as Goose Bay, Canada before being turned back - ultimately leaving the aircraft in Montreal and catching a commercial flight home. Happily, he arrived home in time for this......

our annual trek to Chuck E. Cheese* for the Woodmans birthday. This year we had an actual birthday party (as opposed to a family outing) there and it worked out well. The party took place at 4:00pm on a Tuesday and the place was empty which I'm sure is why it worked out.

Now could I have handled it on my own if Ed hadn't made it back? Sure - that was the plan. Did I want to? Not at all. But more important than what I wanted, the Woodman was so happy to see his Dad there (well that and get Mario Kart for his DS). Ed ended up traveling for something like 20 hours straight in order to make it home in time, but I think it was worth it to see the smile on the kids face (and the relief on mine).

Happy Birthday Woodman!

*We've told the kids that you are only allowed to go to Chuck E Cheese on your birthday. At 7 years old, the Woodman has probably figured out that this is not a Chuck E. Cheese rule but an Oleksy Family Sanity Saver Rule, but we'll stick with it for as long as possible.

The Perfect Storm

2010-04-17T12:46:00.001-04:00

Ed left this morning to pick up a plane in Wichita and to deliver it to....Nepal. Yes, you read that right. Nepal. As in the Himalayas. Near Mongolia. The other side of the world.

Depending on what that volcano does in Iceland he'll either be gone a few days or two weeks. (Ironically, if the volcano keeps coughing, it will be a good thing, because he'll come back here and wait it out here rather than getting somewhere in tim-buck-tu.)

These trips are always stressful for me. As a defacto single mom while my husband is gone, I spend them on a state of high alert. I'm always keyed up and afraid to let my guard down for fear I might loose control and run off the track. As a result, I end up exhausted - more from anxiety than from the physically taking care of the kids, going to school, work, etc.

It's funny, when my husband first started on his little self-employment venture, I thrived on being able to put together a schedule that would make the President of a small country proud, on being able to pull it all off by myself. It gave me an adrenalyl rush and an ego trip. Rest assured, those times are OVER!

Having to ask people to watch your kids, walking around with a Casper-the-ghost pallor because you are exhausted, not wearing any underwear because you just can't get the laundry done....all have a way of sending any supposed ego trip on a one way ticket back to earth. I'm exhausted, I look like crap, and Ed only just left. It's going to be a humbling few weeks.

Random Thoughts

2010-04-09T09:28:00.005-04:00

Webster's defines random as "lacking a definite plan, purpose, or pattern".

So, here, in no particular order, plan, or pattern are my random thoughts from the week.

1. Apologies to Madonna. D, author of one of my favorite blogs (and former Peace Corps worker who served in Africa), pointed out that Mercy and David are the children's original names. It was actually me, in my ignorance, who assumed that the children's names had been changed after adoption. My humblest apologies to Ms. Ciccone and anyone I offended with my ignorance. (Yummmm....love me some crow!)

2. 124 days until I am done with my MBA program.

3. A couple of weeks back, I was approached - out of the blue - for another position here at the University. I wasn't sure I wanted to leave where I am, so I struggled - back and forth - what to do? My current position does have a lot of flexibility but the other position seemed so exciting and, let's be honest, my ego was stoked. Well everything came to a head this week when I got an actual offer for the new position. Let's just say it was not what I was expecting and I'll be staying put. I was disappointed and frustrated. I had expended a lot of energy worrying about this potential job change. I'm sure there is a life lesson in all this (live in the present? don't worry about what you can't control? don't obsess about the "what-ifs"? how about God knows best?) but for now I'll just stick with disappointed.

4. The oldest kid needed new underwear so I bought some yesterday at Target.....in size 6 - 8. I almost cried. Since when does my little boy wear anything that says size 8? He's growing up.

5. And while the kid is growing up, I must say.....he's starting to stink. This has become very apparent as the kid has spent much time over the last few days playing outside in the warm (borderline HOT) weather here in the Carolinas. Guess it's time to add Axe Body Spray to the shopping list.

That's about it here. What's new with you?

And another thing....

2010-03-31T10:08:00.006-04:00

Remember this from just yesterday? Well, I have another opinion about it.

(And sorry Madonna - this is nothing personal. This just strikes a nerve.)

Anyway, this one has to do with the kids names - David and Mercy. Given that these kids were not babies when they were adopted, they probably already knew their names. And, while I could be wrong, I'm guessing their Malawi names were not David and Mercy. If they had names, why change them?

Now I know I am probably a bit defensive about this one. We chose not to change the boys names and naming my children is one of the few things I feel I missed out by adopting. But my children were almost four when they came home. They knew their names. It was one of the few things they did know when these strange people (Ed and I) came and took them away from everything they had ever known and plopped them down in a foreign land.

I always think of that scene in Roots when Kunta Kinte is told that his name is Noah. He says "No - Kunta Kinte" and he is beat until he says "Noah." And while this is a bit dramatic - certainly no good parent beats their kid until they changed their name - the idea has stuck with me. Who were Ed and I to tell Wood and T that's not who they were?

To be fair, I know a lot of parents do change their childs name after adoption. I know that a lot of adopted children are named in care centers and orphanages. They don't have the luxury of having a name given to them by family and that their new family can give them a name that's meaningful. I know a lot of children are adopted as babies and may not have formed any attachment to their name. And I get that.

But we were lucky. We know our children's stories. We know the names their Ethiopia mommas gave them. And, despite the fact that I make jokes about their Ethiopian-Polish names, we are proud of those names and I think it was the right decision for our boys.

Irritating

2010-03-30T08:30:00.002-04:00

Here's the picture -

Here's the caption -

Madonna leads her adopted children David Banda (sporting a stylish fro-hawk!) and Mercy James through Heathrow Airport after arriving in London from New York on Sunday.

Really? They're adopted?

Ugghh. That's so not necessary. I'm pretty sure that these kids know they are adopted but even if they didn't, it's nobody's business. Labeling these kids as Madonna's "adopted children" (as opposed to her "children") serves no purpose. Just irritating.

I mean really.....when they run a picture of Madonna with Lourdes and Rocco does the caption read "Madonna leads her pushed from her loins children...."? I don't think so. (Thank goodness - there is a visual I don't want!).

It's not necessary when she walks through the airport with her older children and it's not necessary when she walks through the airport with her younger ones.

Her children are her children. Period.

(On another note - I do like David's haircut. Woodman had a 'hawk summer before last. It was cute.)

August 11

2010-03-29T18:23:00.006-04:00

August 11. My B-school program ends August 11. 135 days left and I must admit - the list of things that I'm going to do when I'm done is getting to be a bit absurd.

After August 11, I'm going to start exercising again. I'm going to start cooking again. I'm going to start clipping coupons. I'm going to start working on the house (a whole other post). I'm going to read books. I'm going to go to back to church basement meetings. I'm going to take a vacation. I'm going to join the PTA.

I suppose I should be realistic. It's not like I won't continue to be a full employee (unfortunately, I'm an indentured servent until August 11, 2012) but right now I'm just looking forward to having the time to choose what I want to do. (And it will not be sitting in class two nights a week and spending weekend afternoons with my group!)

Overheard

2010-03-28T21:12:00.002-04:00

Heard from the back of the car on the way home from church this morning (Palm Sunday).

Woodman - Hey T. Let's play Palm Sunday. You be Jesus. Say "I am Jesus."

T-man - No. I'm not Jesus. I'm Batman.

Woodman - No. You're supposed to be Jesus and I'm supposed to say "Jesus. I'm God. I'm your father Jesus." (said in his best Star Wars Darth Vader Luke-I'm-your-father-voice.)

Cracked me up.

Good advice

2010-03-25T08:49:00.016-04:00

Financially, things are a bit tight for the Oleksy family right now. I get paid monthly and sometimes toward the end of the month (like now), the wallet gets stretched. On top of that, the husbands aircraft ferry business has been slow this month. (This does have a bright side though - my husband has been home and we've been able to spend some time together. Wahoo!). But the bottom line is that things are a little tight around here right now.

So I wondered….I thought...maybe we could just get one of those cards with a no interest introductory rate? After all, we don't have any credit card debt that's not related to the business and it would just be for a little while. You know - just to tide us over until the end of the month or until we get our tax return.

I was thisclose to doing just that when I came across Next to Nothing's blog and found this SNL skit. Coincidence? I don't think so. I think it's more God doing for me what I could not do for myself. Enjoy! (And needless to say, I'm not getting another credit card!)

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-24T19:10:00.005-04:00

Think he likes to climb?

The Woodman. Hanging out at the house in Kennesaw, GA. March 2007.

The Woodman. Camping at Carolina Beach. August 2009.

The Woodman. Hanging out at the house in Winston-Salem, NC. March 2009.

Musical Monday

2010-03-23T21:21:00.003-04:00

Doesn't this song make you just want to dance around the house with your kids? I just love Laurie Berkner! (I don't want to go fast, I go slow....) Enjoy!

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